Mary

Mary, What a day so far! It started off with Kathy calling at 6 a.m.   She is a real mess. Kathy wants to come home. She hates it there and wants out. She realizes that she needs to take care of Joe, but she is falling apart. Then, at 11 a.m., I get a call that Dawn needs fluids and her immune system is worse than I thought. I am thankful that the bleeding stopped. Next, I asked to talk to Dawn. She was crying and falling apart.   She asked if she just can go live in her house. That way she could give you and Don your home back. She is very concerned that she is causing too much stress on your relationship with Don. Kathy is miserable and so is Dawn. Dawn doesn`t want to make anyone’s life unhappy, but I can`t let her live on her own yet. She would die if left alone. I doubt she would make it through a week. I’m not sure what to do.   She has asked me not to ask you to do anything extra. I can`t do that either.     I don`t want her suffering additional pain because you need to remove the fluids. You must do the therapy three times a week so she can stay dry. Being wet right now will only cause infections. Please play the game as well.   I really do feel this can help her brain get stronger. You will also need to check on her every hour or hour and a half to be certain to treat fevers and chills when she is sleeping. I have tried to ask you for as little as possible with Dawn’s care these days because I understand the problems between you and Don. Dawn tries to pull her weight around the house, with cleaning, cooking, and taking good care of you, but she feels she is not doing enough.   She is ery concerned about the stress she is causing for you and Don. However, I told Dawn the husband-wife thing is not her problem to figure out. As adults, we need to figure that out, not the kids. The kids are the sick ones, yet we sometime make them feel really badly even when that is not what we are trying to do. For example, when Kathy and I were in Madison, we both wanted to take care of Joe, but we also complained about the small amount of time we spent together. Yes, we couldn`t sleep together, but I made no effort to spend time with Kathy before her bed time and she didn`t make any effort to spend time with me.   So, what I am trying to say here is that we have to make time to spend with our spouses. No, we can’t be together every night, but some nights we can go and get our spouses and spend that time together before bedtime. I have had time to think about this and I was just as much at fault as Kathy was for us not spending time together. My advice is that you learn from my mistakes. Some night, at 10 p.m., go get Don and spend some time together while Dawn watches her soaps. Just do like Kathy does, keep going to bed on time. Yes, it not the same as sleeping together, but it the time together that counts while taking care of this sick kid of ours. Trying do this two or three times a week. I’m not sure how else to help you guys out. I could watch Dawn during spring break, but I think you told me that you already bought tickets. I am not sure what to do to help you guys. Everyone seems very miserable. Please tell me what I can do. I don`t want Dawn stopping treatment in an effort to give you your life back. Dawn has been seriously talking about this for awhile now. She believes that if she dies, you will have the money to go someplace and make up for lost time. Mary, I’m sure you understand that Dawn cannot continue thinking like this. Dr. Smith